I’m no man-hater. Most of my closest friends are men. I realize I sound like a racist who claims her best friend is black (I swear, he really is black). I’m just tired of hearing everyone say we ladies do this destructive shit to ourselves, and it’s our own fault for perpetuating the madness. I’m not displacing the blame or anything; of course we play a role, we play a HUGE role. But nothing is ever so simple. Men grew up in the same patriarchal society, were bombarded by the same misogynistic images, and have been brainwashed by the same ridiculous notions as us. Of course they are going to accept some of this shit at face value, whether it’s consciously or not. So gentlemen, I am not blaming you. I’m just asking you to see the role you play, and perhaps take a look inside and see what you can do to help change our world. If not for us, do it for your daughters.
Pretty Hurts – “Flat chest, TV says, ‘Bigger is better.'”
As I mentioned yesterday, in the eyes of ma boyz, I barely qualify as a girl, so they’ve said some crazy stuff around me. Sorry to put you on blast like this, guys. I love you, I really do, but this is for the greater good. The following is a list of shit I’ve heard from various men over the years. Some friends, some acquaintances, and, unfortunately, I even dated some of these douchewaffles.
“Don’t date a girl who used to be fat. If she was fat once, she can be fat again.”
“She doesn’t have to have big boobs, small ones are fine. Like C cups.”
“It’s not all looks. It’s 70% looks and 30% personality.”
(We’d just finished a game of flip cup and beer makes me gassy, so I belched. Mind you, I was not the only one being gross, I was just the only girl. Let it be known that I can out-chug and out-flip 95% of the population. Okay, enough bragging)
“Could you stop burping?”
I smiled. “Nope.”
“Well it’s a good thing you look like that or you’d never get away with it.”
This one is great. I’d been with this guy for almost 2 years at this point and we’d just had sex. While I was getting dressed, he said, “It looks like the fat from your ass is moving to your stomach.” What a charmer. Not that it should matter, but his physique matched that of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. And he didn’t have a job. And he’d been kicked out of school. I’m obviously not, like, bitter or anything.
We went camping for a few days and four of us shared a tiny tent. One of my friends let a loud one rip. I laughed and said,
“I’m so jealous. I really need to fart but it’s not coming.”
“No, don’t fart. You’re a girl.”
I know it seems like he could have been kidding, but he wasn’t.
Here’s one of my favourites. A friend of mine claims that because of biology, it’s not just that men want to be with “pretty” girls, they need to, they are driven to. This same man lives in a disgusting apartment and can barely hold a job. Doesn’t my biology dictate that I shouldn’t want to fuck you? You obviously can’t provide for me, so this “pretty face” is moving on.
Here’s a lesson for you, boys: if you’re going to say stupid shit like the above, you’d better be OK with being pigeonholed into the Alpha Male role. This means you are not allowed to have feelings, you must provide financial stability, and you’d better be able to bench press me, preferably with one arm. Also, I can’t believe it’s 2014 and I have to say this, but my digestive tract is the same as yours. You’ve seen me eat, right? Well, pardon the pun, but that shit has to go somewhere. I’m not asking you to bear witness to my excretion, just accept that I do it and stop being so uptight.
Bringing this up in this discussion might be reaching, but it’s my blog and I’ll say what I want: Adam on Girls is basically the perfect human. “If you died, the world would blur. I wouldn’t know what a tree was.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I want a man with that sort of emotional depth. The funny thing is, I think most are capable, but because we equate feelings with femininity and we live in a world that abhors the feminine, it’s not OK for guys to be this way. Ladies and gentleman, enough is enough. Let’s all just be who we are.